Depression is a monster, and it's not even a very active one. It's more like a slime or a sludge or an ooze or a pudding, once you know what it is. It clings to your legs, slows you down, makes the struggle seem futile, until you want to give up because 'What's the point?'. Then it creeps up and swallows you. ... Elder Black Pudding Depression. (I enjoy the pun that is "inky death" in the descriptor of that link. Which is a good sign.)
It's not rational either. Anxiety & Depression feed one another, and both are extremely irrational. Crazy with a capital K.
I spent the better part of this last week practicing "fake it til you make it", without much success, but just enough to keep moving. That's why there were no blog updates containing any writing; I didn't do any.
Last night I finally pounded out a fresh 750'ish words, and over half of those are going in the can. This is not helping my ascent from the hole where that crazy part of my brain keeps telling me that I have nothing of value to contribute, but... it's still progress.
I am hopeful - and being kicked by my depression for every ounce I muster - that I will have offerings here to the muses, myself, and readers this week.
I also start school tomorrow.
In the meantime, I wan to share words from other people about this monster (I'm afraid I don't have any witty titles for these):
http://critical-hits.com/2010/12/27/depression-dungeons-dragons/
http://www.elizabethmoon.com/writing-depression.html
http://www.nytimes.com/1994/11/14/books/exploring-the-links-between-depression-writers-and-suicide.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm
http://annerallen.blogspot.com/2011/05/writers-block-and-depression-why-you.html
http://hollylisle.com/live-to-write-another-day/ -- I really love Holly's stuff. Her voice is so honest.
2 comments:
Best you can really do is just keep pushing out. Some of the best writing advice I ever heard was, and I wish I could remember the originator of the quote, it's easier to fix your writing if you have something written down than if you don't. Even if what you put on the page is garbled words, it's still words you can work with.
Hang in there, I'm rooting for ya!
I'm in the same place, really. With no employment, mounting debt, and the unfortunate possibility of having to move in with my mother looming on the horizon, I feel pretty much sunk, as well.
Maybe we could come up with something to do together to help pull us both out of the muck? I mean, I've never done a joint writing project before. I'm not sure if I'm even qualified to do so.
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